yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
