Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
