is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
