i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
