so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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