Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
