I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
