I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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