i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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