you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
