By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
