Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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