she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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