She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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