I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I wear drunk well.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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