I just threw up on my dentist
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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