I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
