I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Still dying that you shit outside
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
