If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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