I haven't been this sober since birth.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
