In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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