the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.