dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool