Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
