We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's never too late to be topless.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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