ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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