Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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