My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
