i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
