dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you will always have a special place in my vag
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
