just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
