yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.