So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher