Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
