I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize