Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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