if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We had to coat check the pizza.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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