I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
