i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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