I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
