My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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