I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
