Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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