I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
