you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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