he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
