just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
