i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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