So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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