I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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