even my farts smell like vagina
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
