I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
