I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize