here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
