I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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