I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
