I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize