that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
