I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
