if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
