Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.