He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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