Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
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whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
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Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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