I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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