I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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