your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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