I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We need a shit load of segways right now
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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