I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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