You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
