member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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