Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
