I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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