I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
