I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
